When dreams are crushed…What’s next?

I didn’t make it. My biggest dreams for this year have been crushed.

My first reaction was weird. At first glance of the Top 10 list without my name on it, I felt empty. It was as if my soul was sucked out of me. All of a sudden, there was a huge void within me. My face was blank. I couldn’t express any emotions. My dreams were gone.

I texted my closest friends with the bad news. My phone didn’t stop ringing for the next 10 minutes. The replies were all the same — the blah blah blah dreams haven’t really been crushed, that I will get to travel the world eventually no matter what. That I never give up on my dreams. More blah blah blah ensued.

When dreams are crushed, bipolar

Bipolar art by Pachakutik, Flickr

As my friend and I looked through the videos of the finalists, I found the deal-breaker to the judges: the fact that I didn’t mention transportation. I felt like such an idiot. I broke down in tears.

Then I got angry. So angry I wanted to hurt myself, throw  everything in sight.

It was a scary, scary feeling. “I should drink,” I thought. But that would be a terrible, terrible idea.

My whole life started to play out in my head again. It will take me 3 or more years to pay off the rest of my debt. It will take me even longer to go on an extended around the world trip. I was starting to drive myself crazy.

I started to hyperventilate. I got worried. Post-travel depression was peaking its ugly face again in the weirdest scenario. I told my friend to take me home…

When dreams are crushed, depressed

Toni Birrer, Flickr

This all happened Monday morning. I couldn’t write. I couldn’t look for any freelance work. Not only were my dreams crushed, but also my inspiration and determination.

I was paralyzed.

Then, I got the weirdest news today: an old friend of mine died in a car accident. The good friend I stayed with Sunday night? She had dated him and really liked him. She couldn’t stop crying. He was about a year or two older than us. No older than 28. I couldn’t believe it. Life can also be sucked out of us in the blink of an eye…

But I’m still alive—bitching because I didn’t win a stupid contest…?

Knock knock Maria Alexandra? That’s right. That’s a slap I needed. And so, I wrote down a to-do list:

  • Buy a TBEX ticket. Sign up for all pre and post-TBEX trips.
  • Buy Puerto Rico-Toronto flight. May 25-June 8!
  • Canada for 2 weeks. Contact tourism boards, come up with an itinerary.
  • Kickstart my Spanish travel blog, have some blog posts ready by June 1.
  • Take min. 5 interisland (Puerto Rico) trips before Canada tour.
  • Start recording mini travel shows from every day trip I take.
  • Be on the lookout for Spanish translator gigs.

That shall keep me busy until mid-June. I’m also going to prep well for the TBEX speed dating and see if I can score some press trips and/or translation gigs for the rest of the year 🙂

Being alive and dreams quoteI’m happy to be alive! Those travel dreams can wait…

PS: Don’t ask me anything about the contest though. I’m done talking about it…

13 thoughts on “When dreams are crushed…What’s next?

  1. Hey I remember that video of yours and totally voted for you! It’s okay to feel bummed out after finding out you didn’t win, but guess what? That contest shouldn’t control your life, YOU control it. You do what and how you want with it. No one ever said life was going to be a smooth sail. It’s about learning how to deal with even the worst of situations. To be alive and healthy is one of the biggest things people take for granted. We have good days and we have bad days – asi es la vida pero we keep on living. You’re strong, you’ll get through this!

  2. Dear Maria,

    I was very sorry to hear about you not making it BUT better things are coming your way! Of that i am certain 😉

    I am so happy to know that you are coming to my country & visiting my city!

    I will show you as much as I can so that you go back with great memories 😉

    TBEX is going to be amazing as well.

    I know we’ve been talking for a while and you are a star in your own right.

    Don’t let such a contest put you down.

    Life will reward you with the risks you will take on its behalf!

    Arriba ese animo. We’ll laugh about all this over a nice cold drink.

    Can’t wait to see you in a few days, yay!



  3. Hola Maria,
    Me llamo Alex soy de California pero vivo en España ahora mismo. Mi hermano y yo queremos tambien somos entrantes en el concurso BBB. Quiero saludarte y decirte que por cierto tu video fue un muy bueno y que se ve que trabajaste mucho en ello. Tambien tu blog es super pro! Congratulations on being awesome. So you know, Puerto Rico is definitely on our bucket list and hope that if we ever make it there you can give us some tips!
    Un gran saludo,

    • Muchísimas gracias Alex! Espero y ustedes ganen, ya que son los mejores de los finalistas 😉 la Isla del Encanto y yo los esperamos! 😀

  4. So sorry you didn’t make the top 10. Don’t give up! Focused energy (whether it be something you love or something you just do to earn a paycheck) pushes you forward, so just keep believing & one day you’ll wake up exactly where you want to be. *hugs*

  5. Chica te envio muchas vibras positivas y mucho ánimo. Pero si miras el video se ve que tienes muchiiiiiisimo talento, y que la camera te adora! No te des por vencida!!

    Bienvenida a PR de nuevo! Si necesitas a alguien para hacer turismo interno aquí, me avisas 🙂

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