Want to live out a secret affair fantasy? Want to feel like you’re a shady Puerto Rican government official? Want to order fried food naked? We have the hot spot for you: Puerto Rico MOTELS. Specifically, this Travel Bucket List Wednesday we share our Hotel OK Puerto Rico review, compliments of (mainly) Mr. B.
Bright football-arena-like entrance sign of Hotel OK Puerto Rico
Hotel OK Puerto Rico “suites” lined up. Openings are individual garages
To those who are uninitiated to the seedy underbelly of Puerto Rico motels: In essence, they are places to have sex and have no one know you were there. When it comes to the Hotel OK Puerto Rico, there’s a big bright sign for an entrance, like one of a football arena. But then, as soon as you turn in, the “roads” become dark alleys of Sin City.
As you pull in, you park in one of the many open garages inside each “suite.” When you get out of your vehicle, you feel a hush tone over the entire area. Besides the odd buzz of whizzing golf carts and packs of wild dogs, all you hear is silence. A man drives up, I hand him my credit card (he looked like a real straight shooter, right Maria?)…and he was off. Then, we were left to our devices at the Hotel OK Puerto Rico suite.
Inside the Hotel OK Puerto Rico Suite
Inside one of the Jacuzzi Suites at the Hotel OK Puerto Rico (named “VIllas Del Rey” or The King’s Villas)
Up the stairs, behind the mystery door: A mirrored playroom filled with a Jacuzzi, a stripper pole, disco lights, disco ball, a bar, and strange chair are unveiled. The latter seemed to be used for confusing sexual positions (a love machine, I’m told). Upon entrance, I was WAY out of my comfort zone, so all I had was a goofy smile on my face. The area seems to be cleaned just enough to not gross me out. However, once I stepped into the bathroom, it seemed like no one had been there at all! There were broken tiles, awkward flushing toilets, no A/C to the bathroom. What was left was an open window, with men joking with one another in Spanish right below it. Since I didn’t know what they were saying, I’ll add lib: “What up Carlos, you here to have sex too?” Carlos: “Hey Sebastian, yeah you know what a kawinkadink LOL.” Sebastian: “Man, can’t wait to tweet this #motelaffair LMAO.”
When I went back into the room, Maria was looking over the Hotel OK Puerto Rico menu (digitally shown on TV). Offerings included food, lube, condoms, dolls…but NO COMBO MEALS! I mean, if I order your fried combo platter, you might as well assume that I ain’t got a chick in here and throw the blow up for free…
The Romantic Hot Tub
Bubbly inside the heart-shaped Jacuzzi
I turned the faucet on to start filling the Jacuzzi. As I waited for the red heart-shaped hot tub to fill up, I flipped the Hotel OK Puerto Rico menu channel onto “regular” TV programming. Then BAM: I’m b**ls deep in what looks like the most amateur porn I have ever seen. The women looked worn, the tracks in their arms fresh, and the camera seemed to be excited as it was constantly shaking. So after a short browse, I turned it off. By then, Maria had decided on what “sexy items” and alcohol we wanted, so we called room service.
Now onto what the Hotel OK Puerto Rico does right: There’s a hidden little wooden door, where room orders are placed. This was built so that no one can actually see each other when “transactions” take place. I could be naked, clothed and/or still in a comprising position–it does not matter. I felt this was genius and all hotels should have this method of room service:
The masked man handed me the food and my card (glad it made it back). At this point, we sat down in the heart-shaped Jacuzzi; jets on and bubbles flowing. I can’t lie: this has been on my travel bucket list since Dumb and Dumber came out. To have it finally checked off with alcohol and fried Puerto Rican food was definitely a highlight. I don’t even think Alzheimer’s will ever take that away.
Sexy Time Calling. And…
Ceiling mirror over bed
After fueling up, we decided to use what the Hotel OK Puerto Rico was made for. So we ****** on *** ******* for about 10-15 minutes, then we ****** in ** ********* which I think are illegal in my home state of Texas if I’m honest. After are some cuddles, Maria and I fell asleep. Now, this is when it got weird…
I woke to someone serenading their mate with “I’m on a payphone” by whatever that band is named (you know, with the dude in the bank robbery music video?). After the serenade finally stopped, I heard the yip of what I assumed was a woman…but she sounded more like a small dog. When Maria finally woke up and stated that “those cleaning ladies need to stop singing so loud,” I just laughed. Hard.
8 Hours of Fantasy
Around 6 AM, the honeymoon at the Hotel OK Puerto Rico was finally over–we were off to the hustle-and-bustle of Puerto Rican life. We snuck back into her parents’ house early and enjoyed a great breakfast feast from the madre. The great thing about this was the little mischievous smiles we shared for the rest of the day. It was our little secret: we snuck out to have a romantic evening together. It was ours only ours. We were able to wink and hold hands as if we were high school sweethearts that “got away with it.”
TLDR: Get a partner, go to a sexy Puerto Rico motel, and have fun.
Hotel OK Puerto Rico: No additional caption needed
Next: We step it up & visit a luxurious, cleaner sexy motel
Don’t stay it was clean before but recently visited and wow what a change the rooms were horible cleaning wise and tried to change rooms and the only 2 other available on one the lights did not work and in the other the bathroom was a complete horror
really? That’s a shame. I always believed Villa Arcoiris to be much cleaner anyway ( prettier suites, too!). Thanks for the update John
I searched for naked pictures and this is all I get.
XD
stayed twice in Puerto Rico, takes care of business wee hours of morning.
haha this is ridiculous!
of course it is Jeremy — it’s PUERTO-RICO! ;D
Ahhh reminds me of my good old days in Colombia…
Oh! They got them too? 😉
Interesting to see the differences between the Puerto Rico short-stay motels and the Japanese love hotels. But like you said, I really do hope they sanitize every square inch of those places!
Well well well! It looks like YOU got up to quite the mischievous time. I must admit, it does sound rather exotic and fun. Being able to share a little secret that’s sort of bad (but also really good) is just the sort of thing everybody needs now and again. I might put this on a “thing to do before I die” list now. Thanks for sharing your story!
you must go Daniel!
hilarious! Something to put on my bucket list…love the site!
Bahaha. Report back when you finally go 😉
Hotel OK… more like Hotel Of Course!
I’m hilarious…
you actually made me LOL Hogga. Comments like yours are always welcome on my travel blog, especially before I’ve had my morning coffee
Wowzers… great post. Not going to lie, yeah, it looks pretty seedy but I imagine with the right lighting and just the right buzz going on, you could have some epic good times!
Oh, epic times were had Chewy, but they did not take away from the Hotel OK’s…shadiness ha 😛
Wow! I heard about, but haven’t visited I’ll quickly say, a similar love hotel in Thailand. It also had a swing in the room…. not 100% sure what that was for. 🙂
swing in a room? That might be the Asian version of the love machine!
Oh my! I guess I’ll have to stay tuned for what the luxurious motels are like.
yes yes, you will like it very much 😀
Order fried food naked… Wow, just wow.
Bahaha. But nobody sees you! That’s the best part…
I don’t even know what to say about this. . . I did enjoy reading about your adventure though! I may be naive, but I really didn’t know these type of hotels existed. Not sure I would have felt comfortable slipping between the sheets either. I’m glad you crossed something off your bucket list too 🙂
hahaha Debbie. I know, I bet many people blush as they read this. A little risqué perhaps? 😉 lol.
These hotels are very popular throughout Latin America it seems. I thought it was a Puerto Rico thing initially, but after reading a comment froma Chilean girl on a post I wrote on another website, they are common over there as well. The Latinos and their fuego!
I’m not gonna lie, though–did feel a little weird about the sheets. But since they smelled so strongly of detergent, we felt better
Ha ha! In Latin America this casual sex motels are something very common. Back in México there’s always one within 15 minutes driving distance. Always secret, always available for any emergency or Bucket List Checkmark.
Heck, there’s even a rate for “more than 2″…
And it’s common knowledge that in Valentine’s and Secretary Day, they’re F-U-L-L.
Ahh, I love being latin!
Piracanto, you have said it all! Just like in Mexico, these sexy Puerto Rico motels are at full capacity on Valentine’s and Secretary Day, etc. Btw, I didn’t know Mexico also celebrated El Día De Las Secretarias!? 😉 haha
I don’t think we offer the “more than two” rate though….hmmm, I’ll have to investigate further on my next visit to the island…
Yes, we also celebrate the Dia De Las Secretarias 😉
I’ve never been in a Motel with a secretary, actually…
Three weeks ago I actually saw the sign, I think it was $20 additional person…
Don’t start me talking about why it caught my attention >:)
Cheers!
I love the hot tub (^_^)