The past 12 months have been seriously tough on me… But I’ll talk about my summer travel plans first before I lose my inspiration altogether.
My summer travel plans: Ontario & Québec, Canada!
After my dreams were crushed last month, I knew I had to come up with some quick summer travel plans. And while I was so paralyzed I couldn’t even think of a destination for days, I was finally reminded of TBEX Toronto. This meant… 2 weeks in Canada because flights were cheap on those dates! 😛
On May 18th, I have an overnight layover in Toronto before flying out the 19th to Montréal. I’ll meet with fellow blogger Karla and hopefully do a week-long road trip, including Ottawa and Québec City. I can’t wait to finally try poutine, eat in the dark at O.NOIR, and experience French culture. Oh by the way, believe it or not, I haven’t been to France yet! So this road trip should be fun…
A week later, I’ll head out to Toronto and stay there until June 4th. I plan to go Couchsurfing and hang out with locals most of my stay, not doing tours until the conference weekend. That means no-plans Toronto, woo hoo! Except for a couple of restaurants I want to check out from this list and…
A Niagara Falls and winery tour on May 30th! I got invited by a Canadian operator to take part of such day trip with Karla — really looking forward to it. More details to come.
Then it’s TBEX time: agenda packed as always. Weekend will include:
* A First-Timer’s Special: All About Toronto tour for 3 hours the morning of Friday, May 31st. Then, after lunch, it’ll be time to hit the kaleidoscope of international neighborhoods this Canadian city has to offer with the Toronto: The World in a City tour! Best of all? Both outings were included with my conference ticket 😀
* June 1-2nd = all-day conference sessions + pitching attendants. Parties TBA!
* Was planning on taking part of some TBEX tours that Monday after the sessions. Unfortunately, they were all full, so it seems like I’ll be couchsurfing once more from June 3-4th!
Rest of my summer travel plans: road tripping Puerto Rico
As you know, I moved back with my parents in Puerto Rico on April. While I haven’t been getting as much sun is I would like, I do plan to do lots of day trips soon as I get back from Canada. I even bought some surfing lessons on the West Coast! That’s, of course, assuming my friend actually gets the travel bug…
Either way, my boyfriend is finally visiting from June 23 – July 9 and we got some exciting plans then! Here are some photos I’ve taken the past month to get you excited:
What about my depression? Not doing too well…
Now on to the sad news: I haven’t been doing too well. In fact, I’ve been doing horrible. You have no idea the amount of will power it took me to write about my summer travel plans all happy-go-lucky. Truth of the matter is, I’ve lost control of most of my life. This type A individual is going absolutely nuts because:
- No news from workers comp insurance about new orthopedic doctor
- I’m in pain, even though I’ve been using voice recognition software + minimal work
- Not being able to drive nor work online much, I have nothing to do during the day
- I’m not close to the beach or anything truly exciting
- Did I mention I haven’t seen a fucking doctor in over a month?!
I don’t fucking know where I’m going. Heck, besides my summer travel plans & paying off my debt with my disability checks, I have NO IDEA what the fuck is going to happen to my life. My career. To everything. The fact I can’t keep myself busy with work or hang out with friends because THEY are working is not helping me deal with my demons. Not at all. It’s actually FEEDING them. It’s quite scary.
The reason why I’m letting you know? So you keep tabs on me.
Sorry, but you can’t tell a person suffering from depression to please think of their blessings, etc. I KNOW THAT. I’M KNOW I’m lucky. Believe it or not, I send a thanksgiving prayer to the heavens every night. Still, that doesn’t help me cope during the day. That doesn’t help me quiet the big loud Black Dog. Honestly, all I can think of is ways to hurt myself. I’m surprised I haven’t done it yet…
Right now, I’m really holding back from throwing every object in my room.
This is worse than prison! If I only had time to spend with my family during the day, that would make it all better. But I don’t. They are working, working too hard because of this American Dream mirage. I only get to truly hang out with them on weekends. I then thought about going housesitting abroad or something. But I can’t. Why?
I can’t fucking move until they find me a fucking orthopedic doctor!
If I move and don’t see a doctor, they suspend the disability checks that are actually paying for my debt. I have to stay put. It’s the stupidest fucking situation…
I called my lawyer to try to speed things up, but nothing has happened in about a month. Thank goodness I’m going to Canada in less than 2 weeks or else…
*sighs* making my blog a bit more personal. Hope I didn’t scare you…
I know: depression doesn’t make sense to onlookers or even my own self.